DADDY

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I have so many memories of Daddy.  Daddy preaching, praying, singing. He pushed us to be the best that we could for God. His heart was honest about loving God.  He would take the whole family to prayer meetings. There was none of this getting a baby sitter or nursery.  I had to sit in these prayer meetings and pray, read, color, or go to sleep. :o)


Daddy is 88 and will be 89 in October.  He's had a stroke and so it has left him fighting Dementia and Anxiety.  He doesn't remember alot of things.  He is doing well in spite of all things.  He has become more childlike in his mentality. Still a clown and cutting up constantly.  lol


Growing up, Daddy would go to work which was across the street and when he came home I would run and meet him.  That was our normal every day thing.  Years of following him around and building bird pens, gardens, and such. There always seemed to be something that we had going on.


Daddy came from a very strict, ridiculously strict church.  Girls and Guys couldn't hold hands but one held a handkerchief and the other held the other end....lolol  The no cutting hair, no makeup, only dresses, etc....you get the picture.  We were imprisoned by man's law, not God's word.  It took Daddy years to come to understand this but when he did I saw freedom not only in his life but our lives.  Daddy has grown  in God in his latter years to know who God really is.


Daddy took me fishing once.  We didn't catch anything but it was our time together that left marks in my heart. I was the boy he didn't have. So I was kinda tomboyish. haha


 He took on the responsibility of helping me raise my kids after my divorce.  He didn't have't to and I didn't ask him to but he stepped and became that role in their lives and helped so much  with our survival.  Not many would do that.  He raised Kyle and Priscilla like they were his own and nurtured them, provided for them with all his heart.  He has been an amazing Grandpa to my kids.


Daddy wasn't and still isn't perfect but he left the seeds of God's word and taught us to respect others.  The things that have been implanted in my life are priceless.


In a world that I felt rejected, hopeless, violated, wounded....I am so thankful for that safe place that Daddy always kept for me.  A place that I could come, (Home) and be me, loved and excepted. Daddy never stopped telling me and reminding me of the call on my life even when I was in the deepest of sin. Him and Momma prayed and knew that I would return to God's plan one day and I did.


Because of the foundation he invested in....I am who I am....my kids are better and we strive for even a higher place of excellence.


Daddy was never rich in money, but he had a store house of wealth when it came to love, and loyalty.  He only got to go to the 4th grade because they needed him on the farm.  He worked long hard hours. So he couldn't read or write very well.  Yet he provided to the best of his ability with hard work and determination.


He worked at the same place for 55 years.  A nursery sold their business to Hermann Englemann and Daddy continued to work there.  They layed him off in 2008.  So he worked till he was 85 years old.  He wasn't afraid to work hard.  He put in the beds for the plants, and the irrigation system.  Disney came out to view Hermann's Nursery and tried to get Daddy to come work for them but Daddy was loyal to Hermann and stayed.  They were amazed at the system he had developed.  He developed it, with thought and God's help.


I remember playing checkers with Daddy.  He always won.  He was so tricky and skilled at it.  I watched him and began to learn the tricks of it.  Now I could beat him...if I wanted to....hahahaha


I still laugh at Daddy always painting our vehicles, blue or red.  Those were his favorite colors.  Mostly blue. He painted his straw hat blue.  lololol  If anything broke....PVC pipe could fix it right up....lol or duct tape...hahahaha Daddy was a fixer at heart.  


When Saturday came, it was time for Wrestling in the afternoon.  Then HEEHAW that night. lolol  Daddy didn't get into sports much but loved his wrestling. That is till it got fake....lololol


Daddy was a man of ritual.  He liked pattern.  He would get off work on Fridays, go cash his check, go get groceries at Winn Dixie, go get KFC and then come home.  Then on Saturdays, he would take us up town to the Post Office, Western Auto and the dime store.  If I was lucky I'd get a hot dog or gum from the dime store. 


Then when my kids were around, Fridays were the same but, on Saturdays, they would go to the Post Office, get gas, and Walmart.  I always knew where to find them.  The people at Walmart knew them.  lolol


I am so blessed to still have Daddy around.  His shuffle down the hall, and always playing westerns....stays in my mind.  His boyish smile is in my heart always. His mischievous eyes twinkle with delight as Momma picks at him.  Wouldn't trade him for the world.  :O)

Seasons

We all go through the different seasons of life.  Winter is often hard to walk through.  Everything seems barren, dead, cold, ugly.  There has to be these times to allow rest to that which produces.  


It isn't easy to remember this when we are walking through this.  Often we can get discouraged, hopeless and just plain worn.  But nothing stays the same.  If you are walking through great harvest, there will come a time of rest, if you are walking through a time of lack, blessings will come again.


When the Spring time of your life comes again, you will slowly see things begin to bud, look up.  Little by little fruit will come forth.  Green will return.  Harvest will come forth. 


During the time of Winter, trust, faith is exercised to the ultimate limit.  We are stretched to grow.  When we allow God to work during this time, we build our spiritual muscles.


So no matter what season you are in, know that you are there for a purpose.  Ask God the purpose.  Read God's word and see what he says about the seasons of your life.  Don't begrudge where you are at.  Just don't stay there.  Grow through it.  Learn and develop wisdom, knowledge and understanding through this time.  


All the Seasons have a purpose.  That is why God created them.

Walls and Masks

I believe we all have been hurt at one time or the other.  Often it is the people that are the closest to us.  People you never expected to hurt you, crush your very being.


That is when many people build walls, put on different masks to hide the realness of who they are.  This is normal.  No one wants to be hurt repeatedly.  


The problem arises, that there are real and genuine people who care and have your best in their interest, but if they can't reach you or see who you really are, they will get tired of hitting the wall.


I know because I shut many people out after several experiences in my life.  I would only allow people to a certain point.  Out of fear I carried masks to hide the hurt, and tenderness of my heart so no one  would hurt me again.


The only true way to find healing, is to be real with God.  To take the mask off in his presence and just be you.  When you seek his face, he will guard you and your heart.  When you worship, the Holy Spirit has you protected. I just don't care any more when I get in God's presence I may shout, praise, cry my make up off, dance, I just become me....it's about me and God then.  Which allows others to see the raw, real you.  The person's heart and intent with God.


I encourage any of you that may struggle with past hurts to find a church, place that you can enter his presence and feel safe, then just be you.  Release the hurt, and anger and allow God to restore you.  Allow God to tear down the walls, and remove the masks. The Holy Spirit will guard your mind, heart and body if you ask.  He will help you discern people and their intent.


Walk without walls, and mask free in his presence.

My Book

I have in my heart to one day write a book.  It will be my Biography. Telling of all I have walked through and survived.  If you would have told me all I would walk through when I was 12, I would not have believed you and definitely wouldn't have thought I would have survived it all.


God has been amazing.  The journey I was on, I could never have made it, if God wasn't there to help me and instruct me.  God's amazing grace and mercy kept me.  


I should have already lost my mind, or give up,  slit my wrist,.....BUT GOD.  The Lord has cheered me on, and protected, provided.  Everything I have needed for this journey, he has brought.  


Which shows, that God will never ask you to go somewhere, that he will not go with you.  He will never send you out without provisions that he will provide.  He will always instruct and lead you.


When the right time comes I will write this story because God gets the glory for my process and journey survival.  I want others to understand no matter how awful the things you walk through, no matter how much loss, God can and will turn things around in your life with time and his spirit.  


Never give up.  Never let go of who you are in God.  satan wants to destroy our minds, dreams, hopes, purpose but God has come to bring life.  Life to us and to our purpose.  He has left the Holy Spirit to comfort, befriend us, lead, instruct, protect, empower us, heal us, to go with us on our journey to Destiny.  When you take on the weapons of war, God's word, prayer, fasting, satan stands powerless.


We must learn our position in God's Kingdom and arise to that position.  We all have a divine purpose that is  to be fulfilled.  There is much to birth in the spirit through the Women of the church.  We are natural birthing vessels.  When we consecrate ourselves and begin to travail.....birthing will take place.  


I don't really know the proper way to write a book, but when it is time, I know it will take place.  God will bring forth through me his purpose in my book.

The Rewards of Ministry

Sometimes it is during our service to the Lord that he blesses us the most.  I remember being introduced to a young lady named, Bambi Swanson.  She gave her life to God and that night received the Holy Ghost.  She couldn't stop.  She was drunk in the spirit.  She was so hungry for God. 

I was asked to disciple her.  So I said yes.  I began spending time with her and helping her grow in God.

I watched her go through so much and hang on to the God she had fallen in love with.  What had started out as a Ministry ended up being one of the sweetest gifts God has ever given me, my best friend.  We have gone through ups and downs, good and bad. I know that God orchestrated her to become a kindred spirit in my life. 

She grew and became a teacher, prayer warrior and so much more.  She married an awesome Man and has two amazing girls.

In return she has walked ME through some of the hardest times of my life.  I couldn't have walked through my divorce, poverty, depression, sickness and so much loss without her listening, praying, and always encouraging me.  She has been a true friend to speak truth in my life for my good, even when I didn't want to hear it.  I am so thankful she never gave up on me but kept speaking my call over me even in the deepest of sin, and dark pits, even when I was unlovable.  

It blows my mind how God can take something that was meant for his service and create a jewel for me.  I thank God for crowning my life with her.  I thank Bambi for 30 something years we have been friends.  I don't know our friendship anniversary but I do know that I am blessed to have her in my life.  

Thanks Bam.  Love ya always my friend.

"The Promise"

Has God ever given you a promise?  Even if he has not given you a spoken promise, his word is filled with promises to collect upon.


God gave me a promise a few years back.  I couldn't believe it.  I questioned it and asked for confirmation.  He gave me confirmation over and over, yet it never came to pass.  


I watched it be anything but what God had called it.  It hurt and I couldn't understand why things wouldn't line up.  I blamed myself, the devil, but now I realize that God has a timing.  


I am allowing God to heal that hurt part of me, that felt wounded, so that I may flow into his promise with divine purpose.  I know God is working behind the scenes to line things up and I know he is working on me.  He is aligning things according to his will.  


I have never been any more excited to watch God's promise be manifested than what I am now.


So I encourage you to stand and believe on God's promises.  Whatever he speaks...he brings to pass.  He is not a God to lie.   Never stop believing...never stop looking for the manifestation of God's divine promise.  Keep praying, keep believing, and watch what God will do in his time to manifest it.

Change

Change isn't easy but it is inevitable.  Often we view change as  bad, failure, loss, but God will allow us to walk different paths that will, in the end, lead us to our purpose and destiny in life.


God will walk the whole way with you if you allow him to.  When we stop fighting, complaining, struggling with all the change, we can find peace about it in God.  God then can talk to us and help us understand it is for our good.  


With time it is revealed why we had to take the paths, that we did, go through what we have gone through.  I can honestly say that God led me on the course I walked.  I didn't always like it, want it, or know it, but God saw the end picture and had to keep me on track.


I'm so glad God knows the beginning from the end.  That through our hard times, and loss, we are eventually restored to a better condition than we were.  God is the God of restoration.  Taking us back to the original state that we were meant to be in.  Life mars us but God Declares us whole.

The blood of Jesus

God's grace is bigger and greater than our minds can conceive.  I remember after I had been raped, walking away from church and never wanting to go back.  I felt so dirty, useless, and like it was my fault some how.

During this time, I drank alot and was promiscuous.  I couldn't live with what had happened.  God never gave up on me.  I could feel him beckoning and trying to woo me back into his presence.  I ran hard from God.

Many people called me a slut, whore, wrong kind of girl.  What they didn't know is that I didn't choose it, it was forced on me.  It took me a long time to understand that their opinions didn't matter any ways.

God's grace and mercy were ever with me.  He kept me even in the depths of sin.  People will judge unmercifully, but God sees the WHOLE picture and knows where he wants to take you to.

I am so thankful that Christ's blood was able to cover all my past and allow me to walk into a new life with God.  Only the blood of Jesus could make me feel whole again.

Never underestimate the POWER of the blood of Jesus.  It still remains and operates in a mighty way.