My Story.....

I remember being little, lining up my baby dolls and having me some Church. My Father and Mother Preached. They took me to prayer meetings and tent revivals. I grew up seeing the miraculous take place.

I knew at an early age that God had plans for my life. I wasn't sure what, other than singing, and speaking to people.
So it should not have surprised me that satan would assign an assassin to me at an early age. When I was only a young teenager, an Assistant Youth Leader tried to molest me. Only by the driving up of a car, was I saved from losing my virginity. I was so shocked and felt confused at how a man who was married, and had prayed with me, could try to violate me. I ended up running away from home and living with a family. I couldn't go back to that church and my family didn't understand. I was afraid to tell anyone. I didn't think they would believe me. So I lived in a cool, damp basement. At night huge spiders would come out. So I would leave the light on at night in hopes that they wouldn't come out. My books started to mildew because of the dampness. It was a hard time in my life. By the time I went home I only weighed 85 lbs. I couldn't shake the deep fear I felt.

It was like a curse on me. My friend's fathers would try to come on to me. It was like every where I went some one was trying to violate me and mess up my mind. I had a Female Music Director try to force her way on me. 

It wasn't until I was 19 years old that, I was held down and raped by someone I had dated, and knew for years. I never saw it coming. I felt so dirty and useless. I didn't believe that I could fulfill the call on my life. I felt I wasn't worthy. I didn't want to disgrace the name of my God with such filth. I left church at that point and didn't go back for 2 and a half years. I became an alcoholic, drugs, had relations with guys. I felt it better to give myself than be forced on. I guess I wanted someone to help me understand why it kept happening. I began to spiral down and sat with a gun in my hand, not wanting to live any more, when my best friend called. She never knew that she was all that stopped me from putting an end to the torment satan was doing in my mind.

I ended up back in church with no intentions of ever being anything more than just serving God. I married a guy that was verbally and physically abusive, cheating and spent 10 years trying to make things change. He didn't change. I had to leave for my kids. I wanted more than that for them. My Ex told me I would never be able to raise my kids, hold a job, and no man would ever have me because he had screwed me up so bad. With those cursing words I began to start my life over. 

I sang on the Worship Team at my church and was Missionette Coordinator. I loved to sing and worship God. A friend had invited me to join a Southern Gospel Group that traveled all over Florida. I would sing in between their songs. I did this for a while. We had even discussed me cutting a CD. Until one day the leader of the group, who was married, tried to force himself on me. I got away from him. Ran home, packed my songs up and said NO MORE! I couldn't even trust men that where in leadership, called themselves men of God. So I had no desire to sing, or fulfill the call. I had told my friends about it, but they made excuses for him and that was that.

I was back on a road of destruction. I couldn't face the horrible things that had happen. So a guy I knew would have me over and we would snort coke, smoke pot, whatever it took to forget. I sat in his truck one night outside a crack house and wondered how I got there. I begged God if he would help me stop, that I would never do it again. That night I got very sick and it turned my stomach to think of doing any of the drugs. I knew God had stepped in with divine intervention, before I destroyed myself.

I sat in my walk in closet one night, crying and begging God to please never leave me, please don't ever stop loving me. I had been wounded, rejected, abused, abandoned. I couldn't bare the thoughts of not being in God's presence. 

I started going to another church, Faith World and became stable in God again. I had become an Intercessor. My Intercessor Pastor, Marty, taught me how to start over, heal. I sat in my closet and made Covenant with God. I told him that if he would guard me and not allow men to rape, and force themselves on me, that I would forever serve him with all my heart. That I would fulfill my call if he would send a covering. For I didn't want to be in Ministry again without my Covering. After that night things have never been the same. My life has been changed. The road has been long. The journey hard, but God has walked with me, carried me, guarded me, provided for me the whole way. 

I lost my job last year. Then I lost my car. So I no longer could go to church.  I had no way. There isn't a lynx bus or anything near where we lived.  It has been a horrible experience, but I know that I am learning what others are walking through. I am trying to allow God to mold me and make me a better person. It's not about me any more. It's about God. All my dreams and ambitions....I have handed to him. What direction he takes me from here, is up to him. I know that I am going to be blessed greatly to be able to bless others. My heart is to help those hurting, and needy. For I have walked through hell many times. But for the grace of God, and loving kindness, I would never have made it.


Eventually we lost our house we were living in and had to move in with my Parents.  I felt like a failure and little hope. Not long after we moved in with my Parents I realized it was in God's plan.  They needed to be taken care of.  Their health has gotten worse and they depend on us for so much.   


My Parents live in a small trailer, so I sleep on the floor on a pallet.  My son sleeps in Dad's old van.  My daughter sleeps in the room Momma used to sleep in.  Momma sleeps on the couch and Dad in his room.  Momma gets up and down so it is easier to sleep on the couch. We have walked through some really tough times.  I can't work I need to take care of them.  I don't want to stick them in a Nursing home.  They deserve better.  Yet things get tight.  My son is trying to find a job close to wear we live.  Scilla is trying to get her GED and helps me alot with my parents.  They have alot of medical needs.  I don't regret it.  I cherish my parents and decided to walk this journey with them.  I know this is a season and it will one day change.




God placed wonderful, loving parents over me. Gave two beautiful Children to love and walk this journey with. He has placed friends in my life to bring such joy, encouragement and friendship. I am blessed. 

The enemy wanted to distort my mind. Make me have low self esteem. He set out to corrupt my image of Leadership so that I wouldn't want to be in leadership. What the enemy has meant for evil, God has meant for good. I am stronger, wiser, better, because of all I have walked through. 


Things aren't the way I want them to be, but I am willing to sacrifice until they get better. I know God is going to bless my family so that we can be a blessing to others.  


We are going to New Destiny Christian Center, with Pastor Paula White.  I know God has a divine plan to teach me, instruct me and help me grow deeper for preparation for all he has for me to do.  I believe he has set my family there to be embraced and loved unconditionally for healing, restoration and growth.  I am excited for what God is doing.  God has ordered our steps.  His plans are different than ours.  But He will get me to where he has destined me to be in His time.


It's not over. There is much more learning, growing to do. I believe God is going to do divine things through me and my family. I am willing. I know God will take care of me, my needs, desires. He will be true to me as his word is true.