Song- "How He Loves Us" by: Kari Jobe
Many times I have questioned the road I have been down. I have wondered if it was something I did, for it has been a hard, rough, lonely road. I have wondered what I did so wrong that I would have't to travel such a path.
Now I understand that it was for my good. To help me grow as an individual. I relied too much on other people's opinions and advice. Now I know the voice that I need to listen to. I know where to turn when things don't line up or trouble comes.
I know how it feels to sit 2 and half months without electricity...wanting to cry, but understanding that God had not left me but was watching over me even then. God taught me how to make the best of things. The kids and me cooked on the grill, and open fire as much as we could. We walked to my parents for showers. We played games, had long talks, laughed, fought, and prayed together. I wouldn't trade those moments for anything. I don't miss the hard times back then, but I am so glad God trusted my family enough to allow us to walk through it. Times without a car. No car for almost 3 years. My sister, Cindy came and got us once a week so we could get groceries. God love her!!! If she hadn't, we would have perished. Just sitting staring at 4 walls and wondering if we would ever get out of that pit. Nothing to do, no place to be, just sitting, then getting tired and laying, walking, then sitting some more.
Watching my son, Kyle, go through so much depression, drugs, and angry at where we were. I knew he had a call on his life and the enemy wanted so badly to take him out. His name is Dexter Kyle Allen. I never called him Dexter, because that reminded me of his Father and I didn't want to remember him in the same sense as his father. So I always and will always call him Kyle. He is so different than his father. Curses have been broke off of him. Generational curses no longer tug at him. He is free to be the man God formed in my womb with purpose. He is a strong mighty Man of God now. I am very proud of him.
My daughter, Scilla, stood by me through so much. She was the one who took over when I couldn't handle it any more. So much was on my shoulders and I didn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. She grew into a nurturing, loving, organized young woman. I can't believe how great she is at fixing things and getting things organized. If I had a business I would have her as my assistant. She is awesome in that way. She knows how to pull things together. She can create things, fix things, figure things out, great with math, and soothe a person when they are falling apart.
I know when we lost our house, it was in God's plan. God wanted me to take care of my parents and as much as everyone wants to push me back into the rat race....taking care of my parents is what I am called to do for now. I know God wants to use me in other ways and he is going to open that up soon, but I will be able to have someone stay with Momma and Daddy while I am busy about the Kingdom. God will provide all that in time.
I don't claim to be full of answers, or know everything, for I have so much to learn. So much that I don't know. I am on a journey of growing daily. Like a sponge absorbing God's word, and knowledge along the way. My desire is to fulfill God's dreams for me. What God longs to see come forth out of me.
I am not a spotlight kind of person. I work great behind a desk, phone, or one on one. I can stand before people but I generally just like pushing everyone else to be out there. I know it has been my place to war for my Children and their destinies. satan has longed to still it, and destroy what God has planned for them both. I have had to steal away and declare over them....call them what God calls them.... for years. Watching them grow up and start to step out into God's plan ....brings a joy that only a Momma could understand.
I am blessed. Rough, the road has been, but great are the blessings of God who endure. I stand firm and know that my God is going to take care of me and restore all that I have lost. God may allow you to be stripped, but only to make room for what HE has for you. Greater, better, larger, beyond our imaginations.
I know God has my provision, ministry, boaz, home, future, destiny.....all lined up according to HIS desire and I will receive all of it in HIS timing.
So my encouragement for all of you is this, you will have hard times. But just like seasons, they come, and they will go. They won't last forever. So be faithful to pray, fast, read God's word and trust his word that no matter how hard it gets, God will bring you out. He will restore you.
God has plans for each of our lives. We have't to desire that path, and allow God to lead us to fulfill it. He wants us to be whole, complete, happy, blessed Christians more than we want it.
| Mat 24:13 | But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved. |
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