(Peace in the midst of trouble, comfort and safety in your arms...my everything)
It has been a rough couple of days. I am faced with so many decisions, and the stress level is at an all time high. Sometimes my shoulders don't feel like they can carry anything any more.
Daddy is getting worse. He isn't the Daddy I grew up knowing. He has a child's mentality. I still love him dearly, but I want to scream "Where are you Daddy"? "Don't leave me Daddy". I have always been able to run to my Daddy and find strength, prayer, counsel and instruction. I can't do that any more. He will pray but he can't reason like he used to. I know it's not about me, it's a time he is walking through and needs more love, and patience than ever. It's just so hard letting go of yesterday, and embracing my Daddy as a child. I wouldn't trade him for anything, or anyone, but ....I feel like he is slipping away right before me.
I don't know if this is dementia or because of the stroke he had that has affected the front of his brain. I just know that he is quickly changing.
The only way I can explain what I am walking through, is to be real. It's like I am escorting them to their new home. I am slowly watching my parents go to the next place. I am to give them love, comfort, care...while they journey slowly there. That is what I feel like. I pray for them. Have seen amazing miracles for both of them. I know God's favor is upon them, but I know they won't be here forever.
Song - "You Are" by: Pastor Clint S. Brown
(Everything that I need, Lord, you have been and you are)
It's so hard to try to keep them alive and ok....but I know it is but for a season. I have always had my parents there. I am spoiled like that. I didn't have fancy things. They couldn't send me to college or give me lots of money, but they gave me more love than I ever could have deserved. They never gave up on me. They always loved me no matter what. They helped me raise my kids and invested their all into us or we would have been out on the streets under a bridge somewhere living.
I don't know why it is hitting me so, except that lately I can see the change in Daddy more. I know it is normal for it to happen but I already miss him, even though he is still here.
For Christmas we are going to do up an album to help him remember people. He doesn't remember very many people. He faintly remembers some but I think having pictures with names will help him. I don't want him to forget his family.
God is my strength. He has blessed me with amazing parents. I pray that he help me to honor, and provide, and give them great love in their latter years.
Song - "He Has His Hands on You" by: Marvin Sapp
(Thank you Lord because I know you have your hands on me and my family, I can rest in you tonight)
 Isa 26:3 | You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. |
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